Oh but for the grace of God go on
by theholyfsandotherletters
Summary: "I'm not gonna do this if it's something you're going to regret later." "What makes you think I would regret kissing you? I like kissing you." It's their third first kiss.


It's girls' night in at the boarding house (because the Gilbert home is all _Jeremy_ and Damon's out with Alaric) and Caroline's making her talk about him with them.

"He keeps saying that he loves me, but I think I already knew that when Stefan was still here. And now that he's gone…I don't know, maybe we could…"

It takes a few beats of deafening silence until she realises what she has let slip. Caroline's strangled "Bonnie I'm going to faint" cuts the quiet.

Panicking, she tries to smooth over with a laugh.

"No, you're not, vampires can't faint."

All hell breaks loose and she never knew two girls could make this much noise.

"Why haven't you told us?"

"Are you sure we're talking about _Damon Salvatore_?"

"He actually _said it_?"

"Wait, wait, wait a minute. He KEEPS saying it? He's said it _more than once_?"

Her face melts into a smile as their comments and _ohmygods _and _unbelievables_ fade into background noise. The feeling of how much she loves them overwhelms her.

"Do you love him?", Bonnie asks incredulously, and Caroline, faster than lightning,

"Are you sleeping with him?"

Her answer is just as quick, a defensive "Yes!" and then a blushing "No!".

Caroline's in her element, eyebrows raised, leaning in.

"But you want to, don't you? And just so you know, totally worth wanting."

"Caroline!"

(Bonnie always was the prude)

"Fine, but I'm just saying. We approve of anything that makes you happy, don't we, _Bonnie_?

Bonnie sighs with a smile and a shake of her head.

"Of course."

"I have totally known since forever, by the way.", Caroline mutters.

(They tickle her until she promises to go get them another bottle of wine - see, they're _adults _now)

Then she's alone with Bonnie, and she knows she must say what neither wants to admit.

"I know what you think of him, but you have to understand, I know his flaws, and still…". She quiets when she meets her best friends eyes. The realisation hits her - Damon caused the death of all the people Bonnie lost: her grandmother, Luca, Jeremy.

To Elena's surprise, though, she smiles.

"Elena, none of us is flawless. We're just as broken - him, you, and me."

(It sounds like approval and the hug feels relieving)

She hands out rooms like the she's the mistress of the house (which she is) but when the other girls are asleep she doesn't go to bed. Can't decide which bed to sleep in. Unsure of how it would look.

(And she doesn't want to miss him coming home)

So she sits by the fire and waits, even though it's a bad idea, she's tipsy, has gotten the girls' approval, and has considered sleeping in his bed tonight.

"So you hosted a party in my house while I was gone?" Not a word betrays that he thinks it feels cosy coming home to _this_, like they were _something. _Not a word.

(He's the stud, remember)

"My house", she answers, not looking up, catching at his playful tone.

"Technically, you died, not your house."

"Technically, you're dead", eyes twinkling as they meet his. He rolls his eyes. "And, you're drunk."

His eyebrow raises - much like Caroline's earlier, it hits her.

"I think we have a pot-kettle-situation with that, _'Lena_." He's smirking as she stands up and pokes him in the chest.

"Nope, I can handle my alcohol. Remember Georgia?"

(He could never forget Georgia)

Maybe it's the body contact, because the playfulness disappears.

Their third first kiss is completely Elena's fault.

(He has learned to control himself around her)

Standing on her tiptoes, hands on his chest, breathing unevenly, she presses her lips to his.

(Now she's the one who's going to faint)

The world seems to spin faster and his words move against her mouth.

"I'm not gonna do this if it's something you're going to regret later."

Her pout closes the gap between their lips again.

"What makes you think I would regret kissing you? I like kissing you."

(He absolutely loves drunken Elena)

"_Yeah_, that's the kind of thing you say when you're _drunk_, Elena_._"

Her "shut up" tickles and her hands are in his hair and he really can't get out of this anymore.

(Not that he wants to)

Very soon they're all ragged breaths and hands all over and her left leg is wrapped around his thigh. She comes down from cloud nine as his lips curve into a smile against hers'.

(She regrets nothing)

"Go find yourself a room, 'Lena."

She's usually way too good at hiding her feelings, but in this flustered state her shock at his words shines through.

"You know, you can try to make me go to the other rooms, but I'm still going to sleep in your bed."

He ignores the sensation in his lower abdomen and puts on a sceptical face.

"Why my room? What's wrong with the others?" He groans playfully.

"I like your bathroom", she winks, grabs his hand and heads toward the stairs. She stops midway, turning as if suddenly remembering something.

"Oh, and we have to be really quiet, Care and Bonnie are sleeping." Finger against her lips, eyes glittering and her adorableness and the double meaning of her words make his breath hitch.

(Or maybe it's the fact that their faces are on the same level, chests touching, lips burning)

She turns back around and he mutters,

"You make me crazy."

(He can talk double meaning too. Invented it.)

They end up sleeping in Damon's bed, on different sides, because there's been enough sexual tension for one night, he states and she plays oblivious.

During the night, Elena wakes up a few times, always snuggling a little bit closer to him.

(Until your breath is my breath)

In the back of her sleep-induced mind she hopes he will notice.

He stirs in the early morning hours and their noses almost touch.

(And of course he notices. He always does)

_And when you kiss me, I am happy enough to die._


End file.
